This is still work in progress
During my therapy I was urged to have an emergency plan for when I wake up and feel an depressive episode has started. I spent years trying to get this right and I think I finally figured out what works for me and what doesn’t. In the past I thought I need to force myself through endless routines to get over a depressive episode and the mere thought of having to do all these things made me want to stay in bed even more and do nothing at all. So it really helped me to take out all the pressure and figguring out the few things actually make me fell better. And I hope that at least some of these aspects help you too!
1 Allow yourself to to stay in bed a little while longer
Imagine you wake up and you instantly fell that depressed. Instead of judging yourself for it, forcing yourself to get up and thinking of all the things that you have to do today, allow yourself to just lay there for a few more minutes. Feel the heaviness in your joints and the cloud that darkens your every thought. Let them be for the moment. Try to open you eyes and when you feel ready sit up. Open the window next to your bed and listen to the wind, the birds and the cars outside for a while.
2 See the positive sides of depression
I recently read a book called Flow. In it the author basically describes how to achive a Flow state:
Quote
Towards the end of the book he gives several examples of interviews with people who had a physical handicap, either by being born with it or through an accident and how this has impacted their lives. In these interviews people describe how this has not only been something entirely negative but it had positive aspects as well. Many of them found a new job or. These were all physical handicaps, but it made think of my own (psychological) handicap and that made me realize two things.
- I am proud to say that I overcame a heavy depression, though I still saw the depression itself as something entirely negative. But after finishing my therapy I came to understand all the things it has given me. I made peace with my childhood and youth, accepted what happened, forgave my parents and normalized my relationship with them. I made drastic lifestyle changes like deleting all social media accounts and quitting drinking, smoking and excessive partying. I found the connection to my feelings, am able to cry again accepted this very sensitive part of me. The heavy depression was the absolute low point of my life but without it I would have never started therapy and be where I am today.
- Another thing that I have realized is now, that now that I have overcome the heavy depression, my depressive episodes are very often a defense mechanism. So my mind & body want to actively protect me from feeling sad, lonely or stressed. Seeing those two positive aspects of depression has completely changed my relationship with it.
Instead of loosing yourself in negative thought spirals and hating yourself for feeling depressed again, try to accept this depressive part of yourself. Try to be gentle to yourself and give yourself a hug both mentally and physically. Tell yourself that you managed to get through so many depressive episodes and that you will also get through this one. Try to visualize what you have achieved and reflect on what this depressive episode is trying to protect you from. Maybe you can even feel a deep sadness in your stomach or an knot of anxiousness or stress in your chest. If you cant feel it, don’t force it though. If I listen long enough to what is around and inside me, I usually find some energy that allows me get out of bed.
3 Stimulate the senses
Make yourself a cup of tea, light up an incense or a scented candle and put on your favorite album. For me thats Diamond Life by Sade on vinyl. If you don’t have a record player, use a CD, a radio or an iPod. Basically anything that is not Spotify on your smartphone. Turn that off and it in another room. Do that same with the rest of your electronic devices, cause they don’t give you the stimulation that you you need right now. After finishing your tea and you album take a hot shower and put on body lotion after you are done. Then put on an outfit that you are 100% comfortable in and don’t have to think about. For me thats a black hoodie and black curdaroy pants. Put on some perfume and and accessoire that you like.
4 Go outside
Pack a little bag with your journal and book, maybe also a camera and dumbphone. Walk for a while without destination. and pay close attention to your surroundings. If the weather is nice walk to a park or a forest. If not then head to coffee shop, a book store or a library. Get out your journal and start to write about something: what you see, what you think what you feel, your goals or how you imagine your life without depression. Literally anything.
By this time it is probably allready noon or early afternoon. I have the privilege of studying and also having a job with flexible working hours. So if feel better by now I’ll start working. If I don’t or if I have a free day, then here are some …
… other things to consider
- Cleaning It doesn’t matter if it is just one side of the desk, the kitchen or the whole apartment, this always gives me a great sense of clarity. Because “A cluttered space is a cluttered mind” - unknown
- Sports This is a tricky one. In general doing sports really helps me with my mental health. During an depressive episode I had the expirience that it is sometimes even counterproductive for me. Especially when I would force myself to do intensive sports like running or a workout. When I could only do a fraction of the the pushups that I could normally do I often got really frustrated and felt worse then before. So besides walking I try to do soft forms of yoga, like yin yoga. This is a practice in which you stay in each position for a minute or longer. I would also like to try out Tai Chi and Qi Gong but haven’t really found my way into it.
- Friends Also a tricky one. In the past I used to lock myself into my room and tried to avoid every contact until I felt better. Eventhough it is still takes me a lot of effort to be with people when I feel depressed, I now also know that being or talking to my “comfort people” will often make me feel a lot better. These are people who know me and my history well, and who I feel no socializing pressure. Even being in their presence without the need to talk or do anything helps or sometimes even a quick phone call or voice memo. It is really priceless to have friends like this in your life
- Hobbies I love playing chess, but when I’m depressed it’s the last thing I should do, because if I loose it feels like someone punched me in the gut and I want to throw my laptop out of the window. Same goes for other mentally demanding or performative hobbies like programming and djing and sometimes even writing. I need something more calm, yet still a little challenging, ideally analog and physical. Ideal for me are for example doodling, doing Sudokos, Haikus (a japanese art of short poems in a specific amount of syllables) and cooking. I am definitely still looking for a more active hobbies like playing an instrument or learning a craft, because it really helps me to do stuff with my hands.
- Entertainment There is a difference between laying in bed and binge watching whole season of Euphoria on your phone (Yes I did that, twice) and watching a movie in the cinema. They are similar in the way that you consume passively but the expirience is vastly different. If you dont feel like going out, at least consider watching a movie at home instead of a show and make it as cozy as possible (e.g candle, incense, popcorn etc.). Same goes for other media: Choose Vinyl or a CD over Spotify, the journal over your notes app and a physical book over your Ebook Reader. Physical media makes it easier for me to be present and aware and ultimately reach a flow state.